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Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan's Fantastic Adventure
Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan's Fantastic Adventure is the first book of a trilogy series. It follows the adventures of Duke Nukem and his best friend, Hulk Hogan as they fight crime, play video games and have the time of their lives. Originally meant as a one-shot, it has spawned enough popularity to continue the story. The Story One time, there was a nigger. Who ate lots of fried chicken and watermelon, and babies, which would always make him have to shit so much he stretched his asshole 10 miles wide. Which caused his rectum to prolapse and he called his doctor, but it wasn't a real doctor. It was Dr. Mario, who tried to touch his genitals and since the nigger didn't realize he wasn't a real doctor, he successfully touched the nigger's genitals. And he squeezed them so hard that they popped like little grapes, so the nigger pulled out his 9mm and shot Dr. Mario in the penis, and Dr. Mario died, but the nigger didn't care. He threw Dr. Mario's corpse into a local dump, and Lotso found him and said "HELP. HELP MEH, AH'M STUCK," but he didn't realize that Dr. Mario was dead, so he got horny from thinking of big titties, so then he found the strength to lift the bag of golf clubs off of himself, escaped the shredder, and made his way to a strip club and found a talking dildo there who was also abandoned by his previous owner. So Lotso took the dialdo and took refuge inside of a stripper's vagina, but then the stripper had to queef, so he fell out and landed into the crowd. And the stripper realized her vagina now smelled like fart-covered strawberries, so Donald Trump came and stuck his finger up there, but then started to panic because his finger got stuck inside of her vagina. So the stripper took out an exacto knife which was tucked in her cleavage, and sawed Donald Trump's finger off, so then everybody saw and thought that Donald Trump's finger was a severed penis due to the poor lighting in the strip club, so everyone ran out, fearing that their penis would be next. Duke Nukem, who had balls (and a penis) of steel, remained, and he was hungry, so he ate Lotso because he smelled like strawberries. But the next morning, after he took a shit, he found Lotso, because he came out as a bear-shaped turd, and Duke Nukem, fearing he might have colon cancer, called Dr. Mario's brother, Dr. Luigi, who was also not a doctor, but was a doctor's assistant, who was fapped to by Surrie the Asperger, and he enjoyed giving rectal exams, and he found this was the perfect excuse to give a rectal exam, so he hurried on over to Duke Nukem's apartment, but he was stopped by SMBZ, who asked for Dr. Luigi's autograph, and told him about how people have been abusing him in insignificant non-canon Flash cartoons, and Dr. Luigi pushed him aside and said "SHUT UP YOU SWEDISH BASTARD, THERE'S AN ASSHOLE WAITING TO BE EXAMINED WITH MY NAME ON IT!" and he continued on. Finally, he Made it to Duke Nukem's apartment, he told Duke Nukem to drop his pants and bend over, Duke Nukem complied. Dr. Luigi took out an extendable bionic finger and placed it over his finger, and felt around Duke Nukem's asshole, but then he made the bionic finger extend all the way through the digestive system and out Duke Nukem's mouth, which sent Duke Nukem into a rage, and he ripped Dr. Luigi's balls off, and put them in a blender, and Dr. Luigi shrieked in a falsetto voice "NO-A! MY TESTICLES-A!" but the sound of the falsetto voice made Duke Nukem rage even harder, so he grabbed Dr. Luigi and threw him out the window. Dr. Luigi landed on a car which was parked out front, and it belonged to George Costanza. So George marched up there and demanded that Duke Nukem pay for the damages to the car, and Duke Nukem punched George so hard that he ripped a hole in his chest, and he yanked his heart, lungs, etc. out, and George died instantly. And then Turd-Lotso appeared in front of Duke Nukem, and said "WE'RE ALL JUST FECAL MATTER, WAITIN' TO BE FLUSHED AWAY, THAT'S ALL A TURD IS--" and then Turd-Big Baby picked him up and threw him back in the toilet, closed the lid, and flushed, then Duke Nukem thumb|300px|right|Hulk Hogan sings to Duke's grandmother.took out a bazooka and fired it at Turd-Big Baby (because he was too disgusting for Duke to kill with his bare hands) and his apartment was now covered in shit, so he went to stay with his grandmother for a while, but his grandmother aged backwards like Spencer, and she was now a baby, so Duke Nukem called his good friend Hulk Hogan over to film a commercial in Japanese about air conditioners, and have him sing an irrelevant song and stare at his baby grandmother like he was in love with her in the commercial, and then a big fat bitch came into the room at random, horny as hell, and tried to have sex, so Hulk and Duke did the fusion dance, and became Huke/Dulk, and touched the fat bitch and she exploded, but then a black hole opened up and Huke/Dulk was sucked in, and ended up in a strange world where fish walked on land. Huke/Dulk was so amazed that he laid an egg, and when it hatched, a leprechaun hopped out, but nobody wanted HIS Lucky Charms, so he was very irate, and while he was bitching, Huke/Dulk pulled out a net and captured the leprechaun, hoping that he would recieve a pot of gold, but this only made the leprechaun angrier, and caused him to summon Sunrise W12! While Huke/Dulk was one of the strongest warriors in the universe, he knew he didn't stand a chance against a Big Rig, so he begged for forgiveness. Sunrise W12 decided that he was WINNER enough to be allowed to live, but he didn't belong in this dimension, so Sunrise W12 sent him back, and he ended up at Duke Nukem's baby grandmother's house again, the fusion had ended so it was just Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan again. After this, they went to Burger King, but when they went in, behind the counter they saw Lord Stell, in a Burger King uniform, who called them up to the counter. They were nervous, shaking, sweating. But they had nothing to worry about. Lord Stell informed them that their quest was over for the time being, and he gave them some large Whoppers for free, to celebrate. As they found their seats, one gentleman clapped, and others gradually joined in, until the whole restaurant was roaring with applause. And while Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan ate their delicious Whoppers, the "YOU'RE WINNER!" trophy descended down onto their table, as they picked it up and the frame froze and the credits rolled. THE END.............. or is it? Reception and Re-release The story was well-received everywhere and has sold millions, except Arm of Long Park Forums because it's full of niggers and faggots. The first book has become a best-seller, and has seen a re-release with a brand new cover on December 28, 2010. The first book has become a best-seller, and has seen a re-release with a brand new cover on December 28, 2010. The original copy is out of print and has gone up a lot in value.